Here’s a question for you: Have you ever felt like you don’t belong? Like you’re not good enough? Like others don’t want you? Have you ever questioned your own worth?
I can honestly say I feel this all the time. And it’s a heavy feeling. But lately, I’ve been wondering — what if those doubts, those negative thoughts, are coming at us from the wrong perspective? What if instead of reasons to stop or give up, they’re actually invitations to push deeper?
Finding Belonging in the Darkness: A Journey Through Doubt and Connection
I think about Rembrandt, often called one of the masters of light. But what really made him a master wasn’t just how he used light—it was how he shaped the light within the darkness. His paintings are often dark, filled with shadow, but that darkness isn’t empty or meaningless. It’s the negative space that draws your eye to the light, that sharpens your focus and highlights what’s important.
That contrast—between light and dark—is where the story lives.
I want to share a story with you.
Back in high school, at the end of my freshman year, the yearbook came out. Aside from my class photo and a soccer picture, there was just one other photo of me. It showed me sitting alone on a picnic bench during lunch, wearing a black hooded sweatshirt with the hood pulled up, holding a brown paper bag.
That photo perfectly summed up my freshman year: isolated, alone, confused about where I fit, and deeply sad.
Fast forward to sophomore year. Growing up in California, I was drawn to the skaters and surfers—the cool crowd. I wanted to belong. So I went and sat with them. I wanted to be part of that community. Some of those kids became friends over time, but I never really felt connected. I always felt like an outsider.
Junior year was different. One day at lunch, it hit me like a brick wall. Everyone there—every kid, including myself—was asking the same questions: Do I have worth? Do I belong? Am I valuable?
Even the kids who seemed like they belonged were wrestling with those doubts.
That realization changed everything. I started showing up differently. Instead of trying to force myself into a group, I started approaching others with curiosity and respect. I asked questions. I listened. I showed them that they mattered.
And you know what? It didn’t matter that I wasn’t “officially” part of their clique. They let me in because I saw them, really saw them, and they felt seen.
That yearbook from junior year tells a different story. That year, I hung out with Goths, skater punks, nerds, jocks—I found pieces of myself in every circle. Because connection isn’t about fitting perfectly into one box. It’s about seeing and valuing each other’s worth.
Today, as a filmmaker, a cinematographer, a dad, and a husband, I still ask those same questions: Do I belong? Am I good enough? Does what I do even matter?
These aren’t easy questions to wrestle with, and I don’t have all the answers. But I do have a journey—a real, messy, vulnerable journey that I want to invite you into.
The doubts, fears, and insecurities sneak up when you least expect them. But I believe the more we show our brokenness—the shadow parts we want to hide or mask—the more light can seep in.
So, if you’re feeling alone or unsure, know you’re not. And maybe, just maybe, the very darkness you’re walking through right now is shaping you for something powerful.
Till next time,
Peace,
Josh
